


Nothing But Pain

by OneOfThoseCrazyGirls



Series: Olicity Fics [2]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Drinking to Cope, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Drinking, Loss, Underage Drinking, a very brief mention of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 15:49:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12171984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneOfThoseCrazyGirls/pseuds/OneOfThoseCrazyGirls
Summary: Felicity has only gotten drunk twice in her life.





	Nothing But Pain

**Author's Note:**

> This is a super angsty and depressing fic so read at your own risk.

Felicity sat in the corner of the reception hall by herself. She looked out at the sea of people all mourning just like her.

Except _not_ just like her.

Cooper's parents didn't know what he looked like first thing in the morning when the sun was just barely streaming in through the window and his hair was all unkempt and sticking out in a million different directions. They didn't know that he always tasted like Twizzlers and Mountain Dew. They didn't know how his brow furrowed and his tongue stuck out a little bit whenever he was writing code. Or how his hands were always cold when he touched her but she didn't mind because his skin was almost as soft as hers.

They didn't know what it felt like to be kissed by him. Or how it would send surges of electricity through her body every time he would nibble on her ear. They didn't know the sensation of him breathing out her name as he came into her.

Even though Felicity was underage, she managed to convince the sympathetic bartender to let her have a drink. They were only serving champagne and wine but she didn't care.

Felicity gulped down her third glass of red wine. Realizing that it was empty far sooner than she'd hoped, she went over to the bar and snatched up another glass.

Felicity had had alcohol before. Growing up in Vegas it was hard to avoid it. She'd had a margarita or two. She used to love rum and Coke's as a teenager. She'd even had straight up scotch once (which she found utterly disgusting). It wasn't until this night that she discovered she actually liked red wine.

Felicity sat in her corner at the reception drinking glass after glass until she was lightheaded. And then she drank some more. She drank. And drank. And drank. She drank until the world started spinning. She drank until she couldn't hear Cooper's mom sobbing anymore. She drank until she was the last person left sitting alone in the reception hall.

But the pain still didn't go away.

Cooper was dead. She was alone.

Eventually, Felicity managed to stumble out into the lobby of the hotel where the reception was being held.

"Can you callmecab?" She sputtered to someone she hoped was an employee. Before she could control herself or knew what was happening, she hit the floor and everything went black.

She woke up in her dorm room not knowing how much time had passed and with what felt like an elephant standing on her forehead.

When she finally managed to open her eyes enough to look around, she noticed a blonde girl sitting in the bed across from hers watching her.

"Who are you?" Felicity mumbled.

"I'm your roommate. We met on our first day, but you probably don't remember me because you're never here. You usually stay in your boyfriend's dorm. So what happened anyway?"

"What?"

"About twelve hours ago I got a phone call from some hotel saying that a girl named Felicity Smoak, according to the ID in her wallet, was passed out in their lobby. They suspected you might be drunk."

"Yea I was. I don't know what came over me. I've never gotten drunk before."

* * *

 

Felicity walked. Literally and figuratively. She walked out the door and just kept walking until she found herself at a coffee shop a few blocks down the road.

She should probably call her mother. But what would she say? And besides, she didn't feel like talking to anyone. In fact, she didn't feel like being around people right now. So as quickly as she entered the coffee shop, she left. And she walked again. _She didn't stop walking_.

She couldn't breathe. It was like, no matter how deep a breath she took it wasn't enough. And she couldn't think. It was like every word she had ever learned in her life was forgotten.

She had spent so much of her life alone. Her mom was always so busy working multiple jobs that Felicity rarely saw her growing up. And when she actually did get to see her mother, she was always so exhausted from working that she wouldn't really spend any time with Felicity. Felicity always had trouble making friends growing up so in her free time she usually just sat in her bedroom working on her computer... _alone_. When she went off to college she hoped things would be different but they weren't really, at least not at first. Then she met Cooper and for the first time in her life she didn't feel so lonely. She remembered how it felt when she lost Cooper, how much pain she was in. But somehow, that pain seemed like nothing to how she felt now.

When she had moved to Starling City seven years ago, she was invisible. She didn't know anyone, didn't have any friends. She kept to herself.

And then he walked into her office and it was like a spotlight had been shone on her. Normally, that kind of thing would freak her out but not that time. That time she actually enjoyed the spotlight because it was the attention of a very remarkable man.

He plucked her from obscurity and made her feel special. He gave her a purpose, a way to be a part of something that was bigger than any one person.

And despite her better judgement she fell in love with him. Because underneath the scarred skin and the slightly cold and unfriendly demeanor and the eyes that have seen too much, she saw a light inside of him. A light that refused to go out no matter what life threw at him. Even though he didn't think he was deserving of love, she knew he was. And she wanted to give it to him. She made it her secret mission to make sure that he knew that there were people who cared about him and wouldn't let him go through life alone.

But it wasn't enough.

Her love wasn't enough.

And that's when Felicity found herself standing in a liquor store purchasing two bottles of tequila, one bottle of vodka, and three bottles of red wine.

She took the bottles back to the loft praying to whatever deity would listen that Oliver wasn't there when she returned.

He wasn't.

She locked the door, turned off the light, covered up all the windows, turned off her cell phone, and poured herself a nice big glass of wine. Which she drank through in about eight seconds. So she poured herself another glass of wine. And another. And another until all three bottles were empty. And then she moved onto the tequila. And then the vodka. And before she knew it, three days had passed and all six bottles of alcohol were empty. In those three days, she hadn't left the loft once, she only changed her clothes once (and that was on the first day when she changed into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt), she didn't answer the door no matter how many people knocked on it. She just ate and cried _and_ _drank_.

When she finally turned on her phone, she just stared at the screen for a while. Eighteen voicemails and forty three texts from Curtis. Sixty seven voicemails and 108 texts from her mother. Two voicemails and a text from Thea. And a dozen voicemails from her assistant.

The pain didn't stop. She was more alcohol than person, but it didn't make it hurt less.

She just felt numb. But maybe that was a good thing. Because feeling nothing at all was better than feeling nothing but pain.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> tumblr - oneofthosecrazygirls-fics


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